kaz + jesper brotp

nathanielwesninski:

can’t find enough content and i cannot beleAF i, a content creator, have to make my oWN 

none of this is serious we have Enough Angst!! for now :)))

• jesper is 2-3 inches taller than kaz and, in typical friend fashion, acts like he’s got several metres on kaz
  
• jesper: oh hey kaz! didn’t see you there wow the top of your head is looking great today
• kaz: jes i swear to fuck you’ll see me coming when i break your kneecaps-
• ridiculous and overly competetive
  
• j: bet you can’t run up that wall do a triple backflip and then crawl over that roof
• k: watcH ME
• everyone else: kaz no
• they have those really complex and vague inside jokes that are incomprehensible to anyone else like kaz can tilt his head at an angle of 29.3 degrees and widen his eyes and jesper will collapse laughing
  
• kaz: jes we need to talk
  
• jesper, sweating: kaz i swear i didn’t mean to eat that strawberry swirl cupcake i didn’t know it was yours
  
• kaz: i really appreciate you as a frien-wait get back here jesper. gET BACK HERE-
  
• jesper writes kaz florid love letters/insults for a month 
  
• kaz burns them all (whilst looking broodingly into the fire) so jes gets creative a la hagrid trying to send harry his hogwarts letter
• kaz can’t go anywhere without being hit by 
• ‘sorry but i can’t hold on…..ive already fallen 4 u ;)))))‘ 
• 'wow baby you make my palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy-' 
• 'your eyes are the brown of the river water in ketterdam because this city is so polluted save the environment' 
• 'i think of you every time i see the stars on a cloudy day. never :)’
• 'your hair is like brussel sprouts. no one likes it’
• kaz puts 37 drop tail lizards in jesper’s bed as revenge and there are still rumours in ketterdam that a terrible wailing ghost haunts the slat
• kaz wingmans for jesper once and once only
  
• kaz: hey. date my friend. 
• person: ???? no
• kaz: ok 
• jesper once ‘liberated’ an outfit from kaz’s closet so next morning we see jesper in a dark suit doing his best kaz impression and kaz walk down in a lime green shit, red trousers and spotted violet suspenders 
  
• whenever they get caught on a mission they build up a really elaborate backstory for example:
  
• jesper: officer, see i found him cheating with one of the 29 lovers in my harem behind my back and ive known francis since kindergarten and then he told me he had always hated my sense of fashion and shot me in the arm and i simply could not believe the betrayal and he became offended when i called him a piece of [redacted] that should go and [redacted] because [redacted] so he tried to rob me…… (cut for length) …..so that’s how we ended up covered in diamonds and blood and swimming in the canal
• some poor stadwatch officer: so mister…Von Fuckthepolice…you’re offended because francis stole your lover, shot you and robbed your house, took your favourite wine, mocked you publically in seventeen different countries and-
• jesper: no, because he said i had a terrible sense of fashion. do keep up
• then they go to the ketterdam equivalent of mcdonalds and kaz whacks jesper with his cane for saying his hair sucks
• :’)